What have relationships come to?

I'm a little baffled. More than baffled, I'm lost. I can somewhat understand this concept of how it's "unnatural" for some men to stay monogamous but things are getting out of hand. I received the following on the archaic social network that is Myspace today and it sparked this commentary, please read:

hi im steve(45) and i live and work in nyc would love to chat with u on the phone so only if ur ok leave and or ask 4 my # if not i do understand i dont have a pic cause i am invloved and very unhappy and for now i need to b discreet.its not what u thinnk as we both r together for our son and live our own lives seperate. i am an hounest person who could lie to u but i choose not and would rather expalin to u where i am 100% no DRAMA all i am a good man in a bad place i am invloved but unhappy and looking for one woman that will understand and not prejudge me ru open minded for that i hope so .age race not important please do not write me back and lecture me, that i should leave her. if ur open and understand then email me back steve


WHAT?!

Is this what we're doing these days? Now I'm not particularly into titles. I'm a libra, we like admirers and lovers but THIS...this is a bit much.

In recent weeks, I seem to be having the same conversation: Everybody cheats....do your thing....blah blah blah....

When did my generation lose touch with intimacy? I refuse to believe that this is our fate. Staying together, unhappy just for children. Having multiple partners to no end. Is nobody else terrified of disease? Because I for sure am...

Now I understand love is a different word, mechanism, action, expression to everyone. But is it completely lost on us 80's babies? Have we traded partnership for a nut? One can't help but wonder: for us fast living, quick witted, movers and shakers of generation Y does happily come never or after all the crap and frog-kissing?

By default, we are a rather pessimistic generation, fond of the words "FUCK IT" and "KEEP IT PUSHING" but I don't know if I'm sold or buying into settling. Susan Surandon and Tim Robbins might have split but I still got Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn! There's hope. Not to mention my grandparents have been married over 50 years and while some may say they don't make that anymore, they do where I come from.

So basically, I think it comes to choice. We CHOOSE much like with everything else to not ask for more. But imagine what would happen if we did....

Thoughts?

Let me start by saying...

....I hate dating.

I hate the entire process of starting over and getting to know someone's likes and dislikes, figuring out if you like them and then figuring out if you fit into them. Slowly but surely letting out all your weird quirks and hoping you've found a kindred spirit as opposed to looking like the big weird kid that you are. It's one big awkward ordeal and my inner reaction is somewhat similar to Carrie Bradshaw and wedding dresses.

But it's inevitable....as my friend so aptly put it last night, "You can't say fuck love forever."

Well why the fuck not?

In a perfect world, we would ignore all our past experiences that makes us who we are and just act and embark upon a new experience with no pretense and completely free. But who are we kidding, when it comes down to it, we're all scared shitless. ALL of us. The men blame the women and vice versa but above all it comes down to FEAR.

Think about it the minute you realize you begin to like someone, what happens? Every fiber in your body switches to WIM also known as What If Mode:

"What if this could work? So far so flippin good so does that mean I actually have to start thinking about this stuff again?

What if I put into practice what I learned from last time?

Oh man remember last time??...."

And so it begins....and so do the decisions that will ultimately affect the new venture you have just set out upon.

Here's where it gets tricky, you can either stay locked up in what I like to call the "3 month bliss" before things get comfortable and nobody can do any wrong. Nobody exists but you guys and you really don't care about anything else. Or you seek advice on what to do from your nearest and dearest. Now as with any advice, you have to take into consideration your source. Perhaps it's that friend who loves love and gushes over every detail. Maybe it's you're hardened confidant who's closed off to love for whatever (give it valid) reason so finds the negative immediately and has uber persuasive arguments. Or maybe it's the friend who seemingly can't help her judgement because she has an inadvertent thing for "bad boys" that have repeatedly hurt her and she just can't see up anymore.

Bottom line, while they all may mean well, YOU'RE in it and everyone else is speaking from their circumstance and not your current interaction. They can't help it and sometimes, actually at all times will never see the entire picture. So what do you do? You keep your bliss TO YOURSELF. Like your dreams.

Plain and simple. Those who love you will support what makes you happy...or so we hope....

Well if this isn't the truth...

..and if it doesn't remind me of NYC/miss it...man...


Shout out to my girl Xosha! and the rest of the hollaring homies ;)

It's a funny thing...time...

Happy 4th yall...I hope you all had a safe and blessed holiday...

As my quarter century hastily approaches, I can't stop myself from having the same re-evaluating thoughts and constantly thinking: It's a funny thing, time. It changes us, it makes us realize, it heals,time after time. Even though I feel blessed and thankful everyday for the mother and family that I have, the upbringing I did and the self-growth I experienced very early on, Life is so cyclical some things you can't escape.

My ex proposed tonight, again. Each time he fights just a little harder. This time he even threw in, "You know you think about it, we should have never broken up." Truth is, who doesn't think about the W's? What if? Why not? Why? When did it go wrong exactly? He went on to say, "I know I know, now I'm that guy, the one you spoke of. Now I'm one of the ones who realizes they fucked up and you were great." Ok now what...

Like I said it's a funny thing time...it's always interesting to see what remains the same when the dust settles. Whether it's a friendship that ended, a relationship, anything.

Time is a very funny thing but one thing is for sure, it always tells exactly what you need to know.

Love is Abundant

I can't help but notice around the city how many couples seem to truly be enjoying eachother more than ever....

I must say it's encouraging and reassuring that in trying times love still prevails...and in many instances THERE IS SOMEBODY for EVERYBODY lol....

Just a random observation....

Adventures in Online Dating...

Ok so I've been told by a close friend that I'm going to hell for posting about my online dating adventures. But lemme set the record straight:
If I were to find a half-way sane individual with a drive in life, similar characteristics to me so we didn't want to kill eachother half the time, an appreciation for strong women (unlike my idiot-box-head ex who follows steaks with spam), a challenging wit, a intellect that stimulates my ADHD lol and a face, smile and connection that make we want to sit on my couch instead of playing on my computer or being out playing with my city then YES, I would cease the opportunity. But much like in real life (irl in net speak lol), I have met many a bozo still. (Not to say I haven't met a few shining potentials, but uh no superstars...yet). This brings me to: PEOPLE SAYWRITE ME THE DARNEDEST THINGS!

**Note pictures names and times have been removed so I don't seem cruel to *AG lol**

1. "...Ok, I'm trying to figure out what happened with you. You're far too sweet and down to earth to be as pretty as you are. Were you raised by wild cocker spaniels? Or is one of your parents Oprah or Montel? I also wind up being the rock. It gets tiresome sometimes, doesn't it?"

*M.: Cocker Spaniels? I think that was er uh kinda supposed to be a compliment and then a cliche (wild dogs) but of all the ones you thought of the most A-Typical Grandma dog? And then put Oprah and Montel in the same sentence???....I'm just so confused...

2. "...i saw you in the chat room before,,,i wanted to chat with u,,but i was busy....

Your profile is truly wonderful and splendid You are a stunningly beautiful and very sexy woman

Mark in the Bronx"

*M.: If you were busy, WHY were you in the chat room?! I do appreciate being called "splendid" though...THANKS!

3. I see that you live just outside my drive zone to start a relationship, however I'm wondering if your available to make a new friend? John

*M.: LOL! "Drive zone" sorry but nuff said...

4. ...Hi sweetie, obviously, you are a very lovely, charming and alluring lady and your beauty captures me. I would love to get to know you better. I'm sure you've been bombarded by a multitude of men and I do not want to come across as another man desperately seeking instant gratification. I'm new to the Dallas, Texas area finishing my medical internship. I have about a year left in clinical internship before I start my private practice as an obgyn. I really do not like this email thing because it is so impersonal and sometimes delays the inevitable (good or bad). If permitted I'd like to chat with you over the phone to hasten getting to know you better, or delaying the process of moving to find that special someone. Either way I think a personal, live and in real time contact will be to our benefit. When sharing numbers I would suggest a cell phone, since it is something I can still maintain a degree of control over.

Also I'd love to see more pictures of you sweetheart, my direct email address is blah blah Even though you and I live in different areas, this is not a major issue to me because I can come to you or bring you to me, (if it develops to that). Well, I guess that is everything and I'm standing on my tiptoes waiting to hear from you! Until then, I'll be waiting!By the way, the Name CandyCane7in has no sexual connotations; it refers to a peppermint stick that was .15 cents when I was a child that was 7i inches long. There was a 9-inch peppermint stick that was .25 cents that I never had enough money to get as a child. Because I was always seen with the 7-inch peppermint stick it became my nickname, CandyCane7in. Image what you would have thought had I said, CandyCane9in. (smile)!!

PS: I'd really like to meet your parents, thank them for making you, clone their reproductive organs and sale them because you are one of a kind and strikingly beautiful!!!(smile) -Ellington

*M.: ::Staring blankly:: I think he just ruined my favorite holiday treat...and it's "sell" not "sale" aren't you past MED SCHOOL?! didn't ya learn the basics?! (Fyi he looks way past 50)

5.YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL You are beautiful,the sun worships you at the breaking of day,and greets you with the warming of its rays.The wind whispers your name as it rustles through the trees along its way.Trees bow down whenever you pass as they greet you as you step slowly past. The waters churn whenever you are near for they feel the wonder of your presence.Your eyes shine with the sparkle of precious diamonds,your smile radiates your warmth to everyone within sight of you.Your voice beckons those you call to be near you and stay with you.Your gaze melts even the coldest hearts and turns grown men into children.You are beautiful beyond words can ever say,you are precious far more than anything.Should anyone say you are nothing,just remember this,you are beautiful in every special way.

*M.: I'm just curious dude...exactly HOW many people have you sent this too? And WHAT Hallmark card circa 1981 did you get it off of??

*And drum roll please for the dummy of the day! (The following conversation has not been altered in ANY way...for better or worse)*

“DaVinci”:hey goodlooking how you doing how come you single?

M.:because i cant find a man smarter than me

“DaVinci”:Oh reallyTell me 5 reasons you single

M.: LMAO...u just proved my point...

“DaVinci”: women always smart with they mouth but when it come to business they aint smart What happend between you and your ex?

M.:"when it come"...wow...I was published, handling million dollar accounts and traveling for business as well as working solely for presidents by the time I was 21...from the looks of your page, I highly doubt any women you even come in contact with are even of my caliber especially when you make a blanket statement like that... please refrain from further questioning.

“DaVinci”: I didn't get it be more specifique

::Sigh::

My new obsession...ah-gain

So in my search for things to entertain, blog content and maybe even that certain someone i have started entertaining online dating. I know shocker right? Up until right NOW only my closest friends and a few select family members were aware of this. I haven't met anyone yet (I'm terrified) But today I stumbled across by FAR the funniest thing yet: www.interracialdatingcentral.com . Yup you got it. A site COMPLETELY dedicated to Interracial dating. DUH I had to see what it was about! You can im, chat in chat rooms, "flirt", it's HILARIOUS. Here's what happened in my first venture into a chat room...

"Peterinbklyn" decided to make a comment that he would get my "black ass on the Q train". Of course this didn't fly with me particularly because he was white, 40 and overweight let alone who are you to refer to anything about my arse! Here is the chat room aftermath that ensued (I am "LyricalStar1"):

LyricalStar1:y black anything dork face
redmomma09:yeah why not just ass
LyricalStar1:lol
redmomma09:or booty
biraciallady:yea how bout african american LOL
VA_Princess:because it's a figure of speech
peterinbklyn:whats wrong with black??
LyricalStar1:lol
salsapatner:whos a dork face
LyricalStar1:y do you even have to denote it ESPECIALLY not being black
peterinbklyn:ok ok...african american booty
LyricalStar1:PETER is
mixedgrl80:you're kidding right
VA_Princess:people, get over it
biraciallady:what about biracial
biraciallady:booty
peterinbklyn:BROWN booty....nope doesnt sound right
mixedgrl80:BRONZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee
biraciallady:biracial booty
peterinbklyn:biracial booty...i like it
biraciallady:yea it has flavor
redmomma09:lol
LyricalStar1:lol VA i just dont like peter much like ana didnt writer
LyricalStar1:and HE WONT LEMME LONE
peterinbklyn:lyrical...get ur biracial booty on the train!
LyricalStar1:see
biraciallady:LOL
mixedgrl80:peter
VA_Princess:ignore him
mixedgrl80:she's just not that into you
peterinbklyn:im just kidding
LyricalStar1:LMAO
BronzeSkin:roflmao
VA_Princess:lol mixed
LyricalStar1:LMFAOOOOO
peterinbklyn:sorry
LyricalStar1:omg IM DYYYYYYING bwahahahahaha
VA_Princess:ooooo myyyyyy gaaaaawd

Those who know me...

..Know I'm slightly OBSESSED with SATC (that's Sex and the City for those who have been living without ELECTRICITY). Yes, I own the bright pink, velvet, special edition book of dvds. Yes I went to see the movie several times....dressed to the nines as Carrie. And yes my favorite compliments from my Head Case viewers are the ones that compare me to her..."but you write about important stuff." LOL and I'm not afraid to admit it. Some folks like chocolate, I like witty banter between sexually uninhibited women that remind me of my stellar girlfriends (backoff bitches, I'm STILL Carrie!)

Needless to say, I was more than ecstatic to hear that Candice Bushnell might be releasing The Carrie Diaries! O-M-G! Harper Collins just inked the 2-book deal and the first is scheduled to come out in 2010. It will show Carrie in high school and how she ascended to such levels of daring fashion fabulousness and her writing niche. For the full article click HERE

I can't wait!!!

Ok seriously...

...what is in the water??? Apparently Jennifer Hudson got engaged to that retard from "I love New York", David Otunga.

Here are the reasons why she's now officially lost her marbles:

1. She learned nothing from Liza Minnelli's sham of a marriage to an OBVIOUSLY gay man.

2. She learned nothing from Star Jones' sham of a marriage to an UNDERCOVER gay man.

3. She learned nothing from Terry McMillan's act a fool episode when her "Got her Groove Back" boo came out the closet and she subsequently lost her groove, some credibility and almost a lot of loot.

4. She clearly must not be looking at the same person.

Really J Hud??? Effie wouldn't do this....

5. HE DATED TIFFANY aka NEW YORK who slept with FLAVA FLAV...Ummm HELLLOOOOOOO!?! You are now amongst the ranks of her...YUCK.

I'm a big believer of there's somebody for everybody. But YOU'RE an OSCAR WINNING ARTIST WITH BOUNDLESS TALENT....WHY WOMAN WHY?!

*Sidebar: to the boy I will never see again, this is something to have an opinion about A POOR CHOICE....sheesh.

The UNqualified need not apply...

Once again I've come across another hilarious Craigs List Ad....I wish I could run into these people on the street...For your enjoyment I give you The Girlfriend Potential Test.

---

*** Girlfriend Potential Test ***

Reply to:
Date: 2008-07-20, 10:16PM

Instructions: Please answer the questions below as directed in each section. You will be marked for grammar, spelling, cleverness, creativity and boob-size. Please keep in mind that while this is not an application for a job, your performance on this test will be a reflection of your ability to achieve certain positions once out in the real world. When the clock strikes the hour, you may begin. You have sixty minutes to complete the test.

Section One: Multiple Choice (Answer All, 5 points)

When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it.
Q1. Six months into our relationship, I go away to a tropical location with my family for a week over Christmas. This vacation was planned as a family event two years prior to meeting you. This is:
a) A great opportunity to get some things done without me around.
b) A great opportunity to attempt to sleep with my college roommate and/or my boss.
c) A sign that you are probably just a casual thing that I could toss aside at any given moment despite the fact I bought you probably the most thoughtful gift you've ever received and written you a letter for every day that I'll be gone, inciting you to 'Go on the Defensive.'
d) Occasion to have a sexy dinner at home the night before I leave, and a mini 'welcome home' party when I get back that's guest list is just you, me, a bottle of wine and a pack of condoms.

Q2. We've talked every night for eight days (not including the dinner/opera show I took you to on Saturday night that was followed by possibly your worst performance in bed ever, or the Monday night that I came over and we spent the evening making Rachel Ray recipes and watching Heroes followed by the best oral sex I've ever given you), with conversation time averaging about an hour per night. On a Thursday night, when on a deadline, I express a need to get off the phone so I can finish some work and go to bed at a reasonable hour. You:
a) Express your feelings of devotion in three words or less, then and quickly say goodbye after confirming plans for tomorrow night are still on.
b) Say goodbye, but then immediately begin talking about something that we hadn't discussed as thoroughly as is scientifically, legally or religiously possible two nights prior.
c) Take that as a sign that I'm abandoning you, and begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry.
d) Say goodbye, but manage to do it with such menace and venom that I stay on the phone for another three silence filled hours, broken only by fits of gentle weeping and suicide threats.

Q3. I'm throwing change at your cleavage, which is readily on display in that loose fitting tank top you wear around my place on Sundays after brunch. Do you:
a) Wing the largest of the coins at my head, with an evil glare and then refuse to speak to me for the rest of the day.
b) Encourage my behavior, and allow me to purchase Afternoon Delights from you at discount prices.
c) Cry.
d) Cry and pick a fight with me, taking my actions as a total lack of respect for you and then begin to point out that because of it I have commitment issues, that you're clearly not my priority, and then cry some more.

Q4. We're having a fight. You:
a) Throw me out of your apartment, then thirty minutes later send 17 texts and attempt to call 13 times in the space of six minutes.
b) Give me space when the discussion gets too heated for rational thought, and redress your complaints in a calm manner when we've both had a chance to cool down.
c) Flip me the bird.
d) Wail on my junk.
e) both c and d
f) realize that the fight is about nothing, and begin creating fictional problems and make wild accusations about my obsession with material goods and having a wandering eye.
g) f, then d, then c.

Q5. I play [video games OR tabletop gaming OR fantasy football]. You:
a) Want to join in, because it looks like hella fun.
b) Leave me to it, in the hopes that I'll leave you a few things to participate in on your own.
c) Attempt to get me to quit, and use tactics like nagging, vandalism and emotional sabotage as an effective campaign against what you call my 'nerdy addiction.'
d) c, but also include deriding me to your friends.

Section Two: True or False (Answer All, 10 points)

When submitting answers via email, please copy and paste the question and then your answer selection beside it.
Q1. Rationale and Reason are the same thing.
Q2. A cheerleader AND/OR schoolgirl outfit is a wardrobe must.
Q3. Talking in your 'cute voice' just before you put my balls in my mouth is sexy.
Q4. Learning body language and communication cues is important.
Q5. 'Anchorman' and 'Superbad' are hilarious movies.
Q6. "But it's cute when I do it" should be a legally viable defense.
Q7. Chest hair is gross.
Q8. Bono is probably the most important political figure of our generation.
Q9. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and should be had frequently, often, whenever possible - within moderation, of course.
Q10. A relationship is metaphorically a two way street. So is your butt.

Section Three: Short Essay. (Answer ONE, 5 points)

Please select one of the following questions and answer it as fully as time will allow. Please try and be as descriptive as possible, and where applicable, come up with at least TWO convincing arguments to support your case. Arguments must be backed up with cited evidence, not anecdotal perspective.

Q1. If I was a crime-fighting vigilante by night, what efforts would you make to support my cause about the rising threat of evil in this city?
Q2. Please come up with a convincing game-plan for having me come shopping with you, keeping in mind my retail oriented attention span is about twelve minutes, and I am prone to wandering after flashing lights and shiny things.
Q3. Please argue why you are (do) or are not (do not): 'Down to Earth', 'Have a sense of humor' and 'Laid back'. Bonus if you can include evidence to confirm that you truly do avoid 'head games.'
Please submit answers via the email link provided. Please also keep a copy of this test and your answers to submit to future suitors for reference. Remember to ensure your name, number and bra size are clearly written at the top of your paper, and don't forget to attach a photo (3/4 length or full).

Ignorance is bliss

Last evening I attempted to partake in a little R&R with a new male suitor. I met him at the Purple Rain/Habana Outpost outing and sadly enough, my initial perceptions, once again, rang true. Not only was he not all he claimed he was cracked up to be on our initial meeting, but he would soon show a level of close-mindedness that I just can't tolerate in my house let alone a potential partner. To top it all off he kept talking, a lot of useless banter, but particularly through Entourage missing all the witty repartee and commenting on the most frivolous minutiae (sidebar: I said the word minutiae while with him and had every inkling he didn't know what it meant). Here are a few excerpts from our conversation:

About homophobia-we were talking about people coming out of the closet and homophobia in general and this was his stance

Boy I'll never see again: I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and they don't have to agree with it.

M.: OK that's fine and all but something like sexuality I don't think it's fair for ANYONE to have an opinion about that. That's ignorant. That's like a racist person who believes this, that, or the third just because you're black. That's not right. You can't control your race just as much as they can't control their sexuality.

B: yeah but just some random person is different. Like if my brother were to tell me he's gay, that's my BROTHER. And he's very close to me so my opinion is going to matter more. Just like if I was dating a girl that is wrong for me I would want him to tell me because I trust his opinion.

M.:So you're saying it's wrong for men to date men? You're slightly homophobic there.

B: No I'm saying it's ok for him to have an opinion about it. Everyone is entitled to their opinions.

(Now realizing he's a complete idiot and wanting this to be over I said)
M.: OK but you're not hearing me. Having an opinion about choices is one thing. You can choose the wrong girl just as much as a gay person can choose the wrong mate. What I'm saying is having an opinion about them being gay altogether, is wrong. An example slightly more comparable would be if u were to date a woman out your race and your family was staunchly unsupportive of it.

Next he continued to argue his "right to opinion" argument for another 10 minutes of nonsense until I got quiet and then goes:

B: You don't like when people disagree with you do you? You're the type that just shuts down and gets mad?

M.: No I'm not mad at all and actually I love debate and discussion. It's why I was a political science major. However, when I recognize that someone isn't hearing or is closed off to something and discussion can't be achieved I choose not to waste my breath.

B: I am hearing you but you keep cutting me off. You done cut me off like 15 times so I think you're not hearing me.

M.: Ok then explain your point uninterrupted. Go ahead.

He proceeds to say the EXACT same points all over again. SO now it was time to shut it down once and for all.

M.: Are you done? (he chuckles and I calmly stated) The reason I kept cutting off your repetitive point, besides the fact that it was redundant, was because you were not listening. I had initially agreed that YES it is ok for people to have different opinions. It's how the world works and we are all different, shoot it's why I'm able to blog. Where I differed, while you wanted to continue on the same point, is that I think there is a problem within our society for people to form any kind of opinion about people based on things they can not change. This is why things such as racism, sexism, homophobia plague us because of ignorance. It's one thing to have differences of opinions on what type of music you like or who you date. But things you can not control that is not fair and outside of fellow human respect. And because you feel that way and some of the other comments you have made tonight it leads me to believe you may be slightly homophobic yourself.

Next he went into a tirade about how he agreed and disagreed with me calling him homophobic. Here's his winning rebuttal:

B: Ok if a woman wears booty shorts, is it fair that she feels uncomfortable around a group of men?

M.: (already seeing where this was going) Well honestly if that woman is wearing booty shorts and she feels uncomfortable, she's going to feel uncomfortable regardless of if she's around men or if she's around women. If she's self-conscious, that's a personal thing. That's not those men making her feel that way necessarily that's her own issue.

B: But it's going to be heightened around men. Like me I might not even be looking at her or want anything from her but I'm a dude and if she's around a bunch of men she's going to feel a certain way.

M.: Ok well whats your point?

B: Well with gay guys I think I have a right to feel uncomfortable because some of them are really aggressive and try to turn straight guys out.

M.:Are you serious right now?

B: Yes and they don't stop it's like a game to them or a sport.

M.: Ok so because a small...or maybe to you it's large, because this faction of a group is a certain way, it's ok to feel negatively towards an entire group.

B:No not an entire group but I think I'm allowed to feel uncomfortable in a room full of gay guys.

::Rolled my eyes::

B: Why are you rolling your eyes?

M.: Because just like ol girl in the booty shorts, that sounds like a personal issue and you're not comfortable with yourself and sexuality enough not to be threatened. Guy AND girls are consistently attracted to me, some from BOTH sides are very aggressive but just as much as I thwart off unwanted attention from male suitors I can with women because I'm not gay.

B: But you're a female...It's different. I think you should put a survey on your blog asking what's gayer Jay-Z kissing Nas or Madonna kissing Britney Spears?

M.: Did you really just say "gayer"? If you had ever READ my blog, which is now VERY apparent you haven't or wouldn't, something like that would never go up because the type of minds that subscribe to my blog would not participate in such nonsense.

He tried to keep going, but after he used the word "Gayer", I was really done and simply said:

M.:I think we should just end this conversation. It's pretty done.

He then proceeded to "lighten" up the situation by asking "getting to know you" questions like do I date outside of my race? Do I consider myself a feminist? I had to ask him what exactly his idea of feminism was before answering:

B: Like there's social feminism..

M.: (shocked he put a correct term together) And what is that to you?

B: Well do you think just because a woman dresses a certain way she this or that. Or there are certain ways a woman should carry herself in the streets.

M.: I honestly don't really adhere to any labels whatsoever so I wouldn't necessarily call myself a feminist and that isn't really it either. I try to sit on the side of what's right or just and respectful to my fellow beings. But as far as that, I make choices for myself and that's it. I'm sure I have friends who people would deem hoes or otherwise, both male and female but I don't judge them for their personal choices but rather who they are as people.

I didn't really get where this was all going...really I just think he was trying to redeem himself but here comes his shot to the foot. He proceeded to start making a bunch of blanket statements about "females" and then after my rebuttals or even earlier if you recall kept telling me "but you're female" so finally I stopped him and said:

M.: You know what I can't really entertain all this with you because you have these strict beliefs on how women are and they are so far off from how I am.

B: You take things really personally I'm talking in general.

M.: Ummmm, you keep making these direct statements about females and will shortly there after say 'but you're a female' so if that's not grouping me in what is? LOL (I pick up my phone and start texting my bff about the ridiculousness I was currently in)

B: Alright well you're texting so I guess I'll go.

M.: Ok bye.

And I didn't walk him out...

When I went downstairs to have a smoke, my roommate and his brother said he walked out like I took his manhood from him. But I mean really, I felt like I was doing my part to change a closed mind...I tried lol.

****UPDATE***** I finally got to watch Entourage, uninterrupted, and became even MORE pissed when I realized A. how many jokes I missed because of stoopid-face and B. I COMPLETELY missed Mark Wahlberg's cameo. I officially hate this guy lol.

All About the Mr./Mrs. Right Now...

Dating in NY is funny. For women, they are either trying too hard to combat two stereotypes (the dumb female or the too masculine borderline lezzie) that they turn dudes off. For guys, they are constantly on the defense of the gold-digger or the hoe or more recently the metro or the undercover brothers. It presents a complexity of attractions when everyone is trying so hard to dispel what they aren't instead of focusing on what they are. Perfect example, while at Purple Rain yesterday I was standing behind two gentlemen waiting to order. They were chit chatting about a date the taller one had had when a striking woman with long flowing locks approached. After a few minutes of banter, the woman left and the shorter gentleman said, "She's cute but she's (shrugged his shoulders). You know she's eh (shrugs shoulders again)." I couldn't help but giggle and he said, " See she's laughing at us. But you got to know what I mean. She's just too much. You wanna have a lighthearted conversation and you end up talking about metaphysics." I laughed even harder and retorted, "I understand what you're saying. Some women make the mistake by trying to prove their intelligence or overcompensate they forget to keep it light at times." "Exactly," he stated. "It's Sunday. It's my mental day off," said the friend.



The thing is I truly did understand what he meant, and truth be told, I too am probably guilty of the same thing at times. It's the same train of thought as Darwinian thinking of survival of the fittest and adaptation. In a time where Paris Hilton's, ditz-topia Playmates, and video vixens reign supreme, women (well the ones that choose to) sometimes feel the need to overpower that they do too much. Discussion of the dichotomy of eastern and western cultures is a bit much for the first date. But at the same time, there's always a premise you want to establish early on: I'm smart, I won't take your shit, I'm not easy, I'm not a "yes girl". So how do you find that balance coy/flirty and witty/smart?

On the male side, I think it's more a battle between tradition and advancement. Men want to be the patriarchal brain and breadwinner but also don't want to be taken advantage of. Want a smart ambitious woman just not more so than them. I mean really how many men do you meet that say I want to be submissive house husband to a power lawyer? (Actually, I take that back, I found an ad on craigslist but I'm still sure they are few and far between.) For men it's slightly different, however, in that while women have feminism on their back, men have the notorious male ego. Show your prowess at all times son! Take this guy I met last night for example; handsome, educated, didn't bore me in 10 minutes of conversation, a year older and apparently successful in finance as we are in a recession and the man is posted in a CL 550 in NYC. Gas is like $5 a gallon...that's an achievement. Now mind you, that's not what drives me in the areas of attraction. For me, it's more about if we can enjoy the same movies, if you can cook, what's your relationship with your mother like, does my blog make you laugh lol. But it was interesting to me that instead of interacting in Purple Rain and the crowd, he and his friends spent the 2 + hours posted in front of his ride, "parking lot pimping", a phrase I quickly let him know I had not used since high school. When I asked who's car it actually was, he was quick to let me know it was his. Now this got me to thinking, just as quickly as men don't want to be wanted for such things they are apt to point them out. Same goes for women that don't want to itemized or objectified but display themselves by buying into the fashion and beauty industries because lets face it you are not moisturizing to sit at home.

So now that we recognize we are all victim to it, how is it resolved? I don't pretend to know the answers but I think it's an interesting discussion in learning how much environmental changes change our reactions and interactions to each other. How much longer can what we are not make up what we are instead of just being? Personally, I choose what I like to call the India Arie method, "Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't"...I would rather show all the multifaceted sides of myself and put it all out there then talk or try to prove what I'm not. Hopefully then by being the quintessential M., all that I hope to, all the qualities I aim to posses will shine through on their own.


Thoughts?