The WORLD loves us again...

Once again I love my friends lol...

I checked my email this morning at the Fader offices and was pleasantly surprised to receive the following from my girl in Tokyo:
Apparently the Japanese have parlayed their new found love for our new found leader into tasty treats! The photos came with the following note:

I just found this in central Tokyo -- how funny.
I think it's amazing how the world is celebrating your country's new manager!! lol
Hope all is well :)

C.*

PS- i want u to see the pix first but it's called "OBAMA-NJU" ("manju" literally means "sweet steam bean-buns" in Japanese lol)


There you have it folks, the world is celebrating Obama's Sweet steamin buns straight to the oval office.....

(*Thanks for this "C." miss u xoxo and YES I gotta make it to Tokyo!!!)

Preach sista' preach!

Now usually I dread my morning subway ride to work because if I don't get a seat, I can't get my extra 30 minutes of sleep and I'm totally grumpy. But today proved not only to be an excellent seat day (I got the edge seat with a bar and wall space to lean my head against...it's the simple things..), but the first car was also blessed with an education from the African lady above (Stripped shirt).

At first I was slightly irritated to be woken up from my slumber; my immediate thought was that it was simply another homeless person on a tirade, but this time with a strong African accent. She was kinda funny dancing around so I started to listen to her. She was basically talking about how horrible slavery was and in so many words how it was white people's fault, "They took my people from my country and this country was made with whips!" she yelled in the face of a seemingly conservative blonde, blue-eyed girl sitting across from me. "I came to this country 12 years ago. It's been 500 years and we still see it. I went to college, I have skills. I even learned English but can you speak my language?" she said as she started yelling in what sounded like Ibo to the coming and going passengers entering and exiting at West 4th.

In all her crazy talk, run-on sentences and ramblings, she had a few valid points. Why do we try to make English the universal language and force it upon people when even for those whose first language it is can speak it in so many different ways? I'm not really with the hymning and hahing about slavery in 2008 nor am I about blaming whitey but seeing this woman's passion, as an African immigrant was truly interesting. She even at one point said, "African-American? I don't know what that is I was taken from Africa and America does not know me." The poignancy in the mouth of mental illness is truly remarkable and a testament to how the brain works.

Even more hilarious in her speech was the fact that she took the time to be a germophobe as well....

Get with the picket fence!

While in LA, a good friend of mine imparted a story about her boss's nosey neighbor who's slightly racist, crazy and doesn't allow cute, young, hardworking, black girls throw their car trash away in her cans on garbage day. We politely call her the trash Nazi (not to her face of course, for face-to-face contact we prefer, "Hey old bag!").

In addition to her antics, pure miserable existence and old-people smell,

she also has this Jungle boogie hot mess------>

for a front yard. I'm sorry but when you live on a well groomed Mr. Rodgers' neighborhood street like THIS...

HOW IS THIS ACCEPTABLE?!?! Luckily for us, the street and neighbors, my friend had balls enough to confront the old grouch. Here's how it went...kinda....

My friend: Excuse me, I was wondering if you could trim your bushes down at the end of the driveway. It makes it really hard to see when we are backing out.

Old Bag: You see this? (pointing at the ground) This is the property line and your hedge is actually what's making it difficult not my bush! You guys only take care of your side and leave the other untouched. (Sidebar: she's referring to a hedge that shares the property line which you would be able to see in the pic above except HER BUSH BLOCKS ALL...proceed)

My friend: Well actually it's your bush. And your bush needs to go.

After going back and forth, my friend realizes that A. the lady is crazy and B. all she really needs is for someone to take care of it for her. My friend proceeds to offer their gardener take care of it and it's settled....and I am pleased to report.....

THE BITCH'S BUSH HAS BEEN WHACKED!

Thank goodness for my friends, taking the crazy trash/bush Nazis out one block at a time!

Life is tough....

My boss about his new Life insurance: So my premium only goes down after my wife turns 98?
Insurance Man: Well yeah or you can switch to this policy.
My Boss: She has to live that long? Oy...

I love this office...

I didn't hear this myself..

BUT I WISH I HAD! See one of my goals with this site is to make people laugh in even the slightest bit even if you're laughing at me (honestly I have like no humiliation factor). We take ourselves too seriously and if there's one thing I've learned through everything, you gotta laugh everyday to get through life! Enjoy!

Hippie to doorman: I know this is a weird question, but is there an office in this building called "Planet Hemp"?
Doorman: Nah man, sorry. (under his breath, as hippie turns and walks away) I fucking wish there was.

(Heard on 23rd and Park ave.)



(toddler in stroller gleefully tosses mangoes from display on floor)
Older brother: No! Stop it! (picks up mangoes as toddler keeps pushing them off display) Stop! We're not buying those!
(mom looks the other way)
Cashier: Ma'am, your child is dropping the mangoes.
Mom: I know.Cashier: But..Mom: I know, my son's rude.
Cashier: But the other customers...
Mom: He does this all the time, you should come to my house as see what he does.
(Heard on 96th and Park...see why I don't go uptown? lol jk)

Hippie woman: Ma'am, what did you just feed my dog?
Elderly woman: A treat.
Hippie woman: What was it? Was it meat?
Elderly woman: Well, not really, it was a sausage.
Hippie woman: What is wrong with you?! My dog is a vegetarian! What if he had a food allergy?!
Elderly woman: Right. Go away.
(Heard in Thompson park)


Guido father to daughter and her gay friend: He was a real cocksucker... (realizes gay friend might be offended) But you know...not in the, uh, bad way.
Gay friend: Oh, believe me, I've met plenty of bad cocksuckers.
(Heard on the LIRR)

Girl looking at abstract wall installation: Oh god. This is pure art. It really speaks to me.
Boy: What does it say?
Girl: (makes loud farting sound and walks away)
(Heard at the Time Warner Building)

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured passenger.
Heavy-set African American lady: Is you serious? I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured customer on the tracks.
Heavy-set African American lady: They better pick him up and get him off them tracks or I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train has collided with a customer on the tracks. We are waiting for the police to investigate. Please be patient.
Heavy-set African American lady: Good thing I got that TiVo...
(Heard on the Uptown 6 Train)

Screaming child: Mommy, I want to go home!
Disgruntled employee: You think you have problems?! Try graduating from art college in the middle of a recession! Then you can cry!
(Heard at the H&M store by my job lol)

Pampered Tribeca child #1: Daddy! Please!
Pampered Tribeca child #2: Daddy! Please can we have Mediterranean eggplant for dinner??
Nebbishy Tribeca dad: You know I can't eat that! It's a carb!
(Heard on 7th Ave)

Because this ALWAYS happens...
Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done...but I love you.
(Heard on the Q Train)

And last but NOT least...
Chick about cute guy standing: So, his penis... Big, small, doody ball?
Queer: Umm... It's good...slightly larger than doody ball.
Chick: Oh...good.
(Heard on the L Train)

There goes that...

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

Apparently, I'm sweet...

Me: Excuse me could I please have some sugar?

Waiter: Stick your finger in it and stir it around.

*Badom chhhhhhhh*

East vs West

Man boarding plane: Those cheeze-its look good.

(I position the bag in a way of offering)

Man:Oh no thank you although they look very tasty. (Turns to friend) See people are still nice, that was nice. Westcoasters are always trying to claim they're the only friendly ones.

Me: Sir, I'm a "westcoaster". I'm just a transplant here.

Man: aww dammit there goes my foot in my mouth.

Poor SchafferNeyo

Girl 1: Poor Neyo and his hats.

Girl 2: Poor Neyo and his face. He looks like an exaggerated Cabbage patch gone terribly wrong.

New Jamaican Pride

Girl 1: So what are you Jamaican?
Girl 2: (with an angered look on her face) I'm not Jamaican! I'm Trinidadian
Girl 1: Sorry, sorry you guys get so angry with that. We Jamaicans may be crazy but we're the fastest in the woooooooooooorld!

LMAO!!!