All About the Mr./Mrs. Right Now...

Dating in NY is funny. For women, they are either trying too hard to combat two stereotypes (the dumb female or the too masculine borderline lezzie) that they turn dudes off. For guys, they are constantly on the defense of the gold-digger or the hoe or more recently the metro or the undercover brothers. It presents a complexity of attractions when everyone is trying so hard to dispel what they aren't instead of focusing on what they are. Perfect example, while at Purple Rain yesterday I was standing behind two gentlemen waiting to order. They were chit chatting about a date the taller one had had when a striking woman with long flowing locks approached. After a few minutes of banter, the woman left and the shorter gentleman said, "She's cute but she's (shrugged his shoulders). You know she's eh (shrugs shoulders again)." I couldn't help but giggle and he said, " See she's laughing at us. But you got to know what I mean. She's just too much. You wanna have a lighthearted conversation and you end up talking about metaphysics." I laughed even harder and retorted, "I understand what you're saying. Some women make the mistake by trying to prove their intelligence or overcompensate they forget to keep it light at times." "Exactly," he stated. "It's Sunday. It's my mental day off," said the friend.



The thing is I truly did understand what he meant, and truth be told, I too am probably guilty of the same thing at times. It's the same train of thought as Darwinian thinking of survival of the fittest and adaptation. In a time where Paris Hilton's, ditz-topia Playmates, and video vixens reign supreme, women (well the ones that choose to) sometimes feel the need to overpower that they do too much. Discussion of the dichotomy of eastern and western cultures is a bit much for the first date. But at the same time, there's always a premise you want to establish early on: I'm smart, I won't take your shit, I'm not easy, I'm not a "yes girl". So how do you find that balance coy/flirty and witty/smart?

On the male side, I think it's more a battle between tradition and advancement. Men want to be the patriarchal brain and breadwinner but also don't want to be taken advantage of. Want a smart ambitious woman just not more so than them. I mean really how many men do you meet that say I want to be submissive house husband to a power lawyer? (Actually, I take that back, I found an ad on craigslist but I'm still sure they are few and far between.) For men it's slightly different, however, in that while women have feminism on their back, men have the notorious male ego. Show your prowess at all times son! Take this guy I met last night for example; handsome, educated, didn't bore me in 10 minutes of conversation, a year older and apparently successful in finance as we are in a recession and the man is posted in a CL 550 in NYC. Gas is like $5 a gallon...that's an achievement. Now mind you, that's not what drives me in the areas of attraction. For me, it's more about if we can enjoy the same movies, if you can cook, what's your relationship with your mother like, does my blog make you laugh lol. But it was interesting to me that instead of interacting in Purple Rain and the crowd, he and his friends spent the 2 + hours posted in front of his ride, "parking lot pimping", a phrase I quickly let him know I had not used since high school. When I asked who's car it actually was, he was quick to let me know it was his. Now this got me to thinking, just as quickly as men don't want to be wanted for such things they are apt to point them out. Same goes for women that don't want to itemized or objectified but display themselves by buying into the fashion and beauty industries because lets face it you are not moisturizing to sit at home.

So now that we recognize we are all victim to it, how is it resolved? I don't pretend to know the answers but I think it's an interesting discussion in learning how much environmental changes change our reactions and interactions to each other. How much longer can what we are not make up what we are instead of just being? Personally, I choose what I like to call the India Arie method, "Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't"...I would rather show all the multifaceted sides of myself and put it all out there then talk or try to prove what I'm not. Hopefully then by being the quintessential M., all that I hope to, all the qualities I aim to posses will shine through on their own.


Thoughts?