Adventures in Online Dating...

Ok so I've been told by a close friend that I'm going to hell for posting about my online dating adventures. But lemme set the record straight:
If I were to find a half-way sane individual with a drive in life, similar characteristics to me so we didn't want to kill eachother half the time, an appreciation for strong women (unlike my idiot-box-head ex who follows steaks with spam), a challenging wit, a intellect that stimulates my ADHD lol and a face, smile and connection that make we want to sit on my couch instead of playing on my computer or being out playing with my city then YES, I would cease the opportunity. But much like in real life (irl in net speak lol), I have met many a bozo still. (Not to say I haven't met a few shining potentials, but uh no superstars...yet). This brings me to: PEOPLE SAYWRITE ME THE DARNEDEST THINGS!

**Note pictures names and times have been removed so I don't seem cruel to *AG lol**

1. "...Ok, I'm trying to figure out what happened with you. You're far too sweet and down to earth to be as pretty as you are. Were you raised by wild cocker spaniels? Or is one of your parents Oprah or Montel? I also wind up being the rock. It gets tiresome sometimes, doesn't it?"

*M.: Cocker Spaniels? I think that was er uh kinda supposed to be a compliment and then a cliche (wild dogs) but of all the ones you thought of the most A-Typical Grandma dog? And then put Oprah and Montel in the same sentence???....I'm just so confused...

2. "...i saw you in the chat room before,,,i wanted to chat with u,,but i was busy....

Your profile is truly wonderful and splendid You are a stunningly beautiful and very sexy woman

Mark in the Bronx"

*M.: If you were busy, WHY were you in the chat room?! I do appreciate being called "splendid" though...THANKS!

3. I see that you live just outside my drive zone to start a relationship, however I'm wondering if your available to make a new friend? John

*M.: LOL! "Drive zone" sorry but nuff said...

4. ...Hi sweetie, obviously, you are a very lovely, charming and alluring lady and your beauty captures me. I would love to get to know you better. I'm sure you've been bombarded by a multitude of men and I do not want to come across as another man desperately seeking instant gratification. I'm new to the Dallas, Texas area finishing my medical internship. I have about a year left in clinical internship before I start my private practice as an obgyn. I really do not like this email thing because it is so impersonal and sometimes delays the inevitable (good or bad). If permitted I'd like to chat with you over the phone to hasten getting to know you better, or delaying the process of moving to find that special someone. Either way I think a personal, live and in real time contact will be to our benefit. When sharing numbers I would suggest a cell phone, since it is something I can still maintain a degree of control over.

Also I'd love to see more pictures of you sweetheart, my direct email address is blah blah Even though you and I live in different areas, this is not a major issue to me because I can come to you or bring you to me, (if it develops to that). Well, I guess that is everything and I'm standing on my tiptoes waiting to hear from you! Until then, I'll be waiting!By the way, the Name CandyCane7in has no sexual connotations; it refers to a peppermint stick that was .15 cents when I was a child that was 7i inches long. There was a 9-inch peppermint stick that was .25 cents that I never had enough money to get as a child. Because I was always seen with the 7-inch peppermint stick it became my nickname, CandyCane7in. Image what you would have thought had I said, CandyCane9in. (smile)!!

PS: I'd really like to meet your parents, thank them for making you, clone their reproductive organs and sale them because you are one of a kind and strikingly beautiful!!!(smile) -Ellington

*M.: ::Staring blankly:: I think he just ruined my favorite holiday treat...and it's "sell" not "sale" aren't you past MED SCHOOL?! didn't ya learn the basics?! (Fyi he looks way past 50)

5.YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL You are beautiful,the sun worships you at the breaking of day,and greets you with the warming of its rays.The wind whispers your name as it rustles through the trees along its way.Trees bow down whenever you pass as they greet you as you step slowly past. The waters churn whenever you are near for they feel the wonder of your presence.Your eyes shine with the sparkle of precious diamonds,your smile radiates your warmth to everyone within sight of you.Your voice beckons those you call to be near you and stay with you.Your gaze melts even the coldest hearts and turns grown men into children.You are beautiful beyond words can ever say,you are precious far more than anything.Should anyone say you are nothing,just remember this,you are beautiful in every special way.

*M.: I'm just curious dude...exactly HOW many people have you sent this too? And WHAT Hallmark card circa 1981 did you get it off of??

*And drum roll please for the dummy of the day! (The following conversation has not been altered in ANY way...for better or worse)*

“DaVinci”:hey goodlooking how you doing how come you single?

M.:because i cant find a man smarter than me

“DaVinci”:Oh reallyTell me 5 reasons you single

M.: LMAO...u just proved my point...

“DaVinci”: women always smart with they mouth but when it come to business they aint smart What happend between you and your ex?

M.:"when it come"...wow...I was published, handling million dollar accounts and traveling for business as well as working solely for presidents by the time I was 21...from the looks of your page, I highly doubt any women you even come in contact with are even of my caliber especially when you make a blanket statement like that... please refrain from further questioning.

“DaVinci”: I didn't get it be more specifique

::Sigh::